My Mission Field
Y’all probably don’t know this, but the summer before I got pregnant with Kayci, I got to go on my first mission trip to Juarez, Mexico. We built a house (right?!) and worked with orphans and helped with a school. It was a once in a lifetime trip, and I came home ready to go again. A mentor/friend of mine at work was planning a mission trip to Africa the next summer, and I couldn’t wait to go.
But…instead, the dream I’d have even longer came true. I got pregnant that fall, and we were over the moon ecstatic. I won’t lie, when I went to talk to my friend about backing out of the mission trip, I was a little disappointed. I wanted to go (probably for the wrong reasons, looking back now, if I’m being honest). But she wasn’t disappointed at all—quite the opposite. When I was recounting the conversation to a mentor/friend at church, she said something that I’ve held onto all these years.
Your mission field is about to get very narrow. And that’s okay-it’s what He wants.
She gestured to my pregnant stomach as she said it, and I’ve never forgotten the span of her hands as she narrowed them to the width of the space right in front of me.
Those words would come back to me a couple of years later when I left the classroom.
And when I got pregnant unexpectedly (blessedly!) when it was time for me to go back to work full-time 3 years later. (That’s another story…did y’all know that was the plan? For me to go back to work full-time when Kayci went to Kindergarten? Spoiler alert…I didn’t, not in the traditional sense.)
and again through the years. Each time I would think it was time for me to DO something and God would have a different plan. Sure, I’ve had some amazing opportunities both for Kingdom work and work-work between now and then, and I am absolutely happy with how things have turned out so far. Have you read what Annie Downs has to say about Divine Detours? Yeah…story of my life, sisters.
I’m standing here at the end of (in the middle of?) a season of weirdness. I went from a great job with a great tribe that took years to build, to a job that had a ton of potential and felt worth the risk (it was, but I still lost big), to a lot of uncertainty and no paycheck. 10 months later, I’m still standing. And once again, I’ve spent a lot of time feeling like I should be DOING something and wondering when God was going to show up with the plan. I’ve spent a lot of time waiting—like, feeling busy with the waiting. It’s almost funny looking back, but it hasn’t felt very funny.
You won’t be surprised to know that God’s been here all along. We’ve been talking every day, I just wasn’t listening. The plan was here all along…I just wouldn’t look up and see it. Again, story of my life, sisters. I’m a slow learner for someone so quick.
My mission field has narrowed again, about to the width Jeanine measured out in front of me 16 years ago. Imagine my surprise when I realized this last week. (see slow learner above)
What does this look like? It looks like…peace, y’all. It looks like joy. The same things that were here all along, but it was an uneasy peace. I’d let go of it in a heartbeat if I felt uncertainty or confusion, and now I realize that the uncertainty is just walking in obedience. I don’t have to know what’s next, because He does. (My career and savings friends just clicked out. Y’all can’t handle me, and I get it.)
I started writing this a month ago, and it’s been sitting in my drafts folder. I’m going to go ahead and publish it, even though it’s not developed or finished. Because it’s raw and real and tells part of the story that wants to be told. To be continued?